Mack’s Monologues – 26 May 2016

Dear Hope Springs Community Members – Its been some time since I’ve written and shared my journal entries.

You may recall that last correspondence covered my consultation and subsequent medical treatment with my Harley Street Personal Physician Man. I had to take to my bed chamber for a spell following those sorry events.

Once I was up and able again, I had to tend to various matters on the Estate. My manservant, butler and personal chef took leave (leave of his senses in my personal and humble opinion) for a period of two weeks and I was left with only the miserly ministrations of the housekeeper, chauffeur and cooks assistant.

Thankfully, my good man put aside some preserves for me prior to his departure – so I was not subjected to the limited capabilities and offerings of the Housekeeper.

Honestly, I don’t like to speak ill or blot anyones copy book – but that woman is quite the dim-witted dullard – being quite deficient of any useful skill in the cooking department. She claims that she has superior cooking skills but my good man – I do not consider 10 ways with toast – to be cooking! I also think the woman has a problem with the health elixir she claims to need to administer to herself each evening – between you and me – IT DOES NOT SEEM TO HELP HER!!

Mack Flying Collage

If it weren’t for the fact that the woman has an ample lap and I’m often in need of a soft place to lay my head – and be relaxed and revitalised with a good remedial massage – I’d have no option but to terminate her services.

On a more relevant and less salacious note – I have been taking an avid interest in stocking the estate with some more unique and unusual livestock.

Many of the Gentry and Gentleman Farmers have deer and chickens. I have decided to diversify my livestock endeavours.

Did I ever tell you I was a Colonel in Her Majesty’s Royal Airforce? I flew Sopwith Camels for a time and I’ve kept up my flying in my personal plane.✈️

Mack the Pilot

I have travelled to far flung places in my pursuit of diverse livestock. I flew West to Blewett Springs and pur-chased some exotic alpaca creatures (women and girls – though I’m not sure why I did not follow my own wise counsel – and stick to buying boys and men). Solidarity – Old Bean – there’s a lot up be said for that!

I also flew East to the Great Annual Poultry Show and purloined some Pleasant Pheasants from Mt Pleasant, no less. No, I’m not a Pheasant Plucker – I’m a pheasant pluckers son – and I’ll keep on plucking pheasants – till the pheasant plucking’s done. But……. I digress!

I really had a penchant to purchase a peacock or two. The Good Lady of the Estate however would not countenance the cacophony. She said they are messy critters who make a mess of matters.

I said Oh Tish Tosh Woman – and she flounced off in a fuming fug.

I’ve seen a number of bunnies about recently and so set my best retrieving hounds and sight hounds to the task of rounding them up and running them off. As I don’t actually have any retrieving or sight hounds – I had to settle for sending Melly, Sandy and Maisie. I know, I know – Old Chap – Never send a woman to do a man’s work – Bunch o’ Frilly Blouses, Flock o’ flouncing floozies, doyen of ditzy ditherer’s. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you the bunny got away – and I swear I saw him sitting at the top of the hill with his paw raised pugnaciously in prissy power!

Mack Livestock Collage

Anyway – my Good Man – it’s time for my brandy snifter – and a good game of Whist with Lord George of the Gorge and Baron BJ of Barker. Winner takes All Old Man. Well … Pip Pip and Cheerio, Chaps.

Lord Mackie of Burnbank