BJ Farty Pants, Scotty Th’ Fat Man, Miss Scarlet Charlotte, – and – The Incident 13 April 2016

Hi Ya’All, I ‘aint writ nuttin for a good long while coz’ I bin hidin’ out. Pah sezs I caint hide out forever but – and ah jus needa get it off’n ma chest – an move on, like!
Okay then, here goes – Ah do so hope Pah is right!
Ennyways, this story goes back ‘ta ‘las year when we had Scotty an Charlotte stayin ‘ere.
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Scotty hadta go off’n to th Vet place for th’ day an ‘ave x-rays – an Miss Charlotte hadta stay ‘ome.
We-ell, lets  jus  say she don’ get along too well wivout Scotty lookin out for her. No sooner , was he gone than she started cryin and carryin on an cosyin up ta me, like. Ah sure as hell-o din’ know what ta do ’bout dat. Ah dun me best ta comfort th’ liddle woo-man an jus tried to keep ma distance – a man caint go cuttin annuvver man’s hay, y’know?
Anyhoo, the Fat-Man came home enda day wiv da Dog Muvver in tow an he was not a happy cus-to-mer! Im jus gessin he din ‘ave a good day!
Miss Charlotte tries to get all up close an pers’nal wiv im and go all cozy cozy, smoochy smoochy – an doggone it if he din go and get all growly wiv er and tell her to take a hike, Honey!
BJ and Charlotte
Ah mighta forgit ta menshun that these two were like “peas an carrits” to borra a phrase from me fren, For-res! They was always togevva an they ‘ad a mari-tal bed they slep in togevver (which was right nexta mine).
So-s – we goes ta bed this night – and Pickle me Gran-Mother – Charlotte (the Harlot) gets outa the mari-tal bed – an gets in bed wiv me!
Now, there’s a cuppla fings wrong with this sceen-ar-ee-oh! I don’ roolly know what ta do wiv wim-min  an Ah’m a big  ‘ol fraidy cat when it come  to poh-ten-shul prob-lems wiv annuvver dude!
Lucky fer me – an Miss Charlotte – The Scotts-man is a peace-able kinda guy – an he don’ like no con-flick neither – matter fack Ah think he woz kinda happy ‘ta ave imself a bitta space to stretch out.
Woo Hoo and Jiminy Crickets though – ah sure was worried – coz that’s what ah do – worry.
It’s prolly a roolly good thing that Mr Scotts-man an Miss Charlotte wen off ta live happily eva after with Jo an Andrew an their whole fam’ly.
Ah don’ know why – but it seems like all the wim-min do loves me. Pah says its coz Ahm a pritty boy – do ya all think ah should be worried ’bout ‘dat? Bein Purdy Like?
Pritty Boy