BJ Farty Pants, Scotty Th’ Fat Man, Miss Scarlet Charlotte, – and – The Incident 13 April 2016
Hi Ya’All, I ‘aint writ nuttin for a good long while coz’ I bin hidin’ out. Pah sezs I caint hide out forever but – and ah jus needa get it off’n ma chest – an move on, like!
Okay then, here goes – Ah do so hope Pah is right!
Ennyways, this story goes back ‘ta ‘las year when we had Scotty an Charlotte stayin ‘ere.
Scotty hadta go off’n to th Vet place for th’ day an ‘ave x-rays – an Miss Charlotte hadta stay ‘ome.
We-ell, lets jus say she don’ get along too well wivout Scotty lookin out for her. No sooner , was he gone than she started cryin and carryin on an cosyin up ta me, like. Ah sure as hell-o din’ know what ta do ’bout dat. Ah dun me best ta comfort th’ liddle woo-man an jus tried to keep ma distance – a man caint go cuttin annuvver man’s hay, y’know?
Anyhoo, the Fat-Man came home enda day wiv da Dog Muvver in tow an he was not a happy cus-to-mer! Im jus gessin he din ‘ave a good day!
Miss Charlotte tries to get all up close an pers’nal wiv im and go all cozy cozy, smoochy smoochy – an doggone it if he din go and get all growly wiv er and tell her to take a hike, Honey!
Ah mighta forgit ta menshun that these two were like “peas an carrits” to borra a phrase from me fren, For-res! They was always togevva an they ‘ad a mari-tal bed they slep in togevver (which was right nexta mine).
So-s – we goes ta bed this night – and Pickle me Gran-Mother – Charlotte (the Harlot) gets outa the mari-tal bed – an gets in bed wiv me!
Now, there’s a cuppla fings wrong with this sceen-ar-ee-oh! I don’ roolly know what ta do wiv wim-min an Ah’m a big ‘ol fraidy cat when it come to poh-ten-shul prob-lems wiv annuvver dude!
Lucky fer me – an Miss Charlotte – The Scotts-man is a peace-able kinda guy – an he don’ like no con-flick neither – matter fack Ah think he woz kinda happy ‘ta ave imself a bitta space to stretch out.
Woo Hoo and Jiminy Crickets though – ah sure was worried – coz that’s what ah do – worry.
It’s prolly a roolly good thing that Mr Scotts-man an Miss Charlotte wen off ta live happily eva after with Jo an Andrew an their whole fam’ly.
Ah don’ know why – but it seems like all the wim-min do loves me. Pah says its coz Ahm a pritty boy – do ya all think ah should be worried ’bout ‘dat? Bein Purdy Like?