Mack’s Monologues – 10 September 2016
Mack’s Monologues – Adieu Dear Readers
Well, my fine friends – it appears that it is time for me to leave this charming country estate and take up residence in my own province – abroad by the seaside.
Young Master George of the Glen and I, travelled there some weeks ago and found it quite suitable for our gentlemanly needs. We interviewed the staff and surveyed the landholdings and made some suggestions for improvements that would make it eminently more suitable for our comf…ort and security. These are almost complete and should make our residence ready by next weekend.
My new Man promises to be available to us frequently throughout the day-time to tend to our needs which I must say is a vast improvement on my current circumstances – where the servants and home help leave us to fend for ourselves for most of each working day.
Jeeves (or Jerry as he prefers to be known) has indicated his willingness to ensure that we have regular jaunts out and the opportunity to keep an eye on the tenant land-holders in our vicinity and engage them in witty repartee and conversation.
I believe he has been briefed on the need to regularly rough-house with the rambunctious rapscallion, George and participate in mad games of chasey with the young whipper-snapper. I find these pursuits a little inelegant and gauche myself – but you know – these young pups these days!
I do so hope the new House-keeper, Beccy has more skills in her culinary cupboard than my current incompetent nincompoop of a woman – and can accomplish a little more than 10 ways with toast. I’m sure she has also been advised of my ‘ahem’ other needs and will make sure my cuddle quota is met and show me the appropriate amount of affection and petting. I do feel a little sorry for my house Mistress – I’ve heard her say that she is exceedingly fond of George and me – and will miss us terribly. Of course she’s bound to miss my fine masculine form in her bed each morning – and can’t help but miss George trying to dig her out of said bed!
I expect that I shall have a surfeit of fluffy, squeaky toys to ensure that I always have something to do – and I will be mightily miffed if there are not venison vittles – or a sumptuous beef neck bone for my entertainment and sustenance on a weekly basis. We are both rather fond of trying to turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse on occasion too, you know.
I hope the new staff have been told of our penchant for Scotch Finger Biscuits on occasion, yoghurt drops and milky sticks.
I hear tell that we shall have our own Barber and groomsman right across the road and expect they’ll come to understand how I like to be coiffed.
Well – it’s been smashing staying here in the country old man – but time for me to diversify and share my good self with others. I bid you all a very fond farewell and leave you with this parting pleasantry
